Winter For A Year

Oh my God, a winter for a year
Oh my God, a winter for a year
And I cleaned out the back of my wardrobe for a year
Jackets never turn into branches
Not while you're not here

Oh my God, a winter for a year
Oh my God, a winter for a year
I kept my life so cold
Every breath just fogs up all the mirrors
The tears are frozen long
Long before I ever thought of crying

So ends my year-long romance
With radio towers and machines
Wasted all my prayers
That I can't remember my dreams
But I don't mind
Oh my God, a winter for a year
Oh my God, a winter for a year
And I cleaned out the back of my wardrobe for a year
Jackets never turn into branches
Not while you're not here

So ends my year-long romance
With radio towers and machines
Wasted all my prayers
That I can't remember my dreams
But I don't mind
No, I don't
No, I don't care anymore

(Psst, my melodica finally has a use.)

Talked to Josef online about books that have main us cry, largely Mortal Engines, Predator's Gold, Infernal Devices and A Darkling Plain. Then my internet cut off, so I went to Karen's. I took Freluquet. We spent a few hours trying to play along to Laika, then we copied down what we thought the notes were. We now have an amazing melodica/acoustic guitar version of Laika. It's the best thing ever. We also made a sort of Street Spirit that we can both play. Karen wants to go busking. We need a few more songs. Anyway, today has been good. I love Frelly. He makes me so happy.

I'd just like to add a big fuck you to Becca Farrell, Jake Sheard and John Watts. I learned Laika. Fuck you.

The Amber Spyglass

I spent all day yesterday and into the early hours of the morning finishing that book, then I had a dream in which my French French teacher from France was giving the class some sort of optical experiment involving lenses, and she made me find the amber spyglass.
Three things really interested me whilst reading this book.
Firstly, this quotation by William Blake.
A truth that's told with bad intent
beats all the lies you can invent.
Which pretty much sums up my life.
Secondly, there was a simile which I can barely recall, which went something like this:
Will and Lyra heard murmuring and crackling, like the sound you hear before you realize your house is on fire.
Which made me think, has Phillip Pullman been inside a burning house? Then, No, that's just a clever simile. But the way it was directed entirely at the reader was odd.
And thirdly, the Authority. He wasn't dead, he hadn't left us, but he was completely senile. He wasn't killed by AEsahaettr the god-destroyer, but a gust of wind.
Oh, and fourthly, which I forgot about. When Mary Malone says the Christian religion is just a well constructed sequence of lies and deceit to keep ignorant people in line, I laughed with her.

Done, done, done with all the fuck, fuck, fucking around.

Might as well add. My supposed utmost-greatest-friend-in-the-world-ever-or-something told me to give up while I was trying to learn something on the keyboard at the other-best-friend-'s house.

I know I'm terrible. I don't need reminded. How does anyone get better at anything if they've never tried? I mean. I've never had piano lessons like she has. I've never had acting lessons like she has. You know why? Because I couldn't afford to. And she takes all this for granted? Moaning about drama exams and suchlike. Things I can only dream about. She's auditioning for the National Youth Theatre. The National Youth Theatre. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm fucking jealous.

Oh, and

Are you dead or are you sleeping?
God, I sure hope you are dead.

After posting and reading that, I had to edit this. Here's the edit:
Reading that, "God, I sure hope you are dead." brings a lot of stuff back to me? Nobody but me will remember The Second Coming, the ITV drama starring Christopher Eccleston that had everyone in school awestruck for two days or so. When the woman at the end said, "God has left us. He's gone.". I've never stopped thinking about that. Even though Phillip Pullman (His Dark Materials) probably had this idea completely unrelated to The Second Coming, it does bring up an important question. What if God neither does or doesn't exists, but he did exist? That would change things. Did he leave us? Was he killed in a rebellion by the angels? Do I have a theory?

And I'm gonna drown the ocean

Well let's take this potted plant
to the woods and set it free.
I'm gonna tell the owners
just how nice that was of me.

I could buy myself a reason.
I could sell myself a job.
I could hang myself for treason.
Oh, I am my own damn god.
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.

I just watched that film: A Scanner Darkly. It was a bit confusing, and tripped me up in some parts. I didn't realise it was based on a Philip K. Dick novel until right at the end. I loved Do Androids Dream Of Electronic Sheep? (Blade Runner) I have an urge to watch more of these films. A Scanner Darkly was made on a relatively low budget considering the main character's Keanu Reeves. I've become infatuated with the whole 'future dystopian society' thing. It's a brilliant idea and brings up all sorts of social ethics questions and theories.

For a year we caught his tears in a cup.

I just lost something I haven't ever given much thought to.
And I'm lying, to everyone and myself. I might as well implode, and use a metaphor about a tangled web of treachery and deceit. Oh well.

Hey, the streetlights all burnt out: Une année sans lumière.
I love that song. Let me give you a quick analysis.
Je montait un cheval, qui portait des oeillères.
(i climbed onto a horse, who wore blinders)
Hey, my eyes are shooting sparks, la nuit, mes yeux t'eclairent.
(the night, my eyes light you up)
Ne dis pas a ton pere, qu'il portait des oeillieres.
(don't tell your father, that he wore blinders)
Hey, your old man should know:
If you see a shadow, there's something there.

I've only just realised how great it is to be able to speak two languages.